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Voice dialogue is a self awareness technique which Drs Hal and Sidra Stone* developed as part of their work the Psychology of Selves. It has its origins in the work of Carl Jung and is also related to Roberto Assagioli 's theory of personality which he called Psychosynthesis (see below***) which I have used with children.
Who is running your life?
A Voice Dialogue session is a way to become aware of parts of ourselves, or selves, that can be running our lives without our realising it. We can be aware of an aspect of the more conscious of these when we listen to what has been called 'self talk'.
Voice dialogue broadens and deepens this awareness, bringing an opportunity for more consciousness and choice in our lives and relationships, and simultaneously opening us up to previously unavailable inner richness and depth which can thereafter be given expression if we so wish.
How does a session work?
After discussing what's happening for you, we decide which part of you we want to speak with. Usually you begin with a primary self. You then move to another chair and tune into the energy of that part. Most people are surprised how easily this happens. I then talk to that part in a normal conversational way to find out about its part in your life. Each part has a very distinctive energy and is a mine of information, seeing the world through its own perspective.
You then return to the original chair - the aware ego position - and we reflect on that experience. Then we usually talk to an opposite part who has a very different perspective. and then again return to the aware ego to reflect from this neutral position.
At different times very different selves will make their presence felt and you begin to access previously unknown sources of energy, insight and inspiration which you can then use in your daily life and decision making.
NB Sessions can also be done by phone or Skype, but initial sessions need to be Skype or face-to-face. |  |
Primary selves are usually who we actually think we are; they come into being at an early age as a way of surviving and making safe our early experience. For example, if someone has a volatile or emotionally absent parent they might develop a strong pleaser who becomes finely tuned to the parent's various states and develops a way of being to try and control them and win their approval by being, for example, helpful, cute or responsible.
Disowned Selves
The person may then eventually behave this way automatically in most situations, unaware of their unconscious or disowned selves and the personal needs which are being suppressed - perhaps the need to be personally ambitious, mature and decisive, or free and playful. You can also think of disowned selves as simply less developed parts of ourselves which, once acknowledged, can add a balance and richness to our lives, and enhance our ability to relate to others less like ourselves.
A critical parent on the other hand may evoke a highly driven perfectionist in the child as a primary self, hiding a disowned anxious, fearful or insecure vulnerable child. |  | Voice dialogue is an effective way to access these selves, connect with their energy and understand the part they play as patterns of thought, feeling and behaviour. The awareness gained helps us take more control over our lives and choices and can also help to heal unresolved hurt because we (our inner selves) feel more connected with and 'heard' - and we simply understand ourselves more fully.
Another common self is what Hal and Sidra Stone call the pusher. This is the part that always has a long list of things to do, a large pile of must-be-read books on the bedside table and can run our day relentlessly from the moment our eyes open. If words like ‘must’, ‘got to’, ‘have to’ dominate your thoughts, there is a good chance the pusher is in charge and will override considerations like health, rest, sleep, relationships and fun. When this happens we feel we have no choice.
Although this is a common pattern, each person will have his or her own experience and own story to be explored - his or her own path towards consciousness and more aware decision making. There are many selves, each unique, and each experienced uniquely by each person. Voice Dialogue sessions can give you the space and freedom to make decisions from a deeper and wiser place that acknowledges the bigger picture and embraces all your needs. |  |
Each self is simply a part of who we are and is neither good nor bad. We all need the pusher to move us forward and get things done and the perfectionist to do them really well. Our primary selves do a really good job of organising and maintaining our lives.
However, if we are being run by that energy because we are identified with it, we may have a very unbalanced life and are likely to pay for that sooner or later in terms of health, happiness or wellbeing.
Not only that, but we will have less access to genuine intimacy because connection with the vulnerable child is the key to being truly close to others.
Similarly, other selves like our playful, creative, sexual or compassionate parts will have been forced to take a back seat and may even be completely disowned - we don’t even know they are there. Therefore we may be living as if with blinkers on, as a very limited version of who we could be and placing unreasonable demands on ourselves which also affects those close to us.
|  | A real life example:
For Mark** the main reason for the pusher’s power in his life was a feeling of huge guilt for a relation’s death when he was a young child. He actually had no part in the death, but had felt responsible from a young age and had been trying to make up for it ever since, being driven to be impossibly accomplished, to be 'good' instead of 'bad.' His perfectionist is another common Primary Self.
With the combined energies of his inner critic, perfectionist and his strongly ethical self at work, Mark continually beat himself up, feeling inadequate, false and 'bad', despite the fact that most people who knew him loved him and admired him for his kindness, courage, dedication to others and his highly skilled work.
The movement toward a more compassionate and reasonable relationship with himself could begin with being able to dis-identify from these strong inner voices. A happier, self confident and less pressured life now became possible.
|  | The Consciousness Process
Unique to Hal and Sidra Stone's work is the distinction of the aware ego. They describe consciousness as an ongoing process which asks a constant willingness and openness and has three levels:
awareness, which is the neutral witness position from which we can observe our feelings, thoughts and experiences;
the experience of the different selves, which allows us to connect with the feeling, intensity and energy of each self - thus allowing a real relationship with life;
the aware ego - a process in itself - which takes information provided by our experience, evaluates it and incorporates it in order for us to grow. The aware ego can also hold the tension between opposite and different selves so we can learn to accept them and live with them and make more effective and life-enhancing choices.
|  | * See their books Embracing Our Selves Nataraj Publishing and Embracing Each Other Delos Inc 1989 and other resources on their website www.voicedialogue.org
** Name and details changed to maintain confidentiality.
*** Although for developmental reasons voice dialogue is usually only used with adults, psychosynthesis has been adapted for use with children and I find it very effective and freeing for them, especially for understanding and handling feelings and emotions, making wise decisions and dealing with internal criticism. Put very simply Psychosynthesis sees each person as being a spiritual Self who has a body, thoughts and feelings, but is not only a body, thoughts and feelings. The point of identity is with the inner Self, and children can easily relate to this as the Wise Part within them.
For facilitators in your area go to www.bodymindinformation.com
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